The ancient art of getting people to talk about themselves can go a long, long way.

While a bottom-line reason shouldn't be necessary in the case of being a likeable person, here you go: Likability helps drive success.

Research shows likable people are:

• More likely to be more effective leaders,
• More likely to be more successful in sales,
• More likely to get promoted or hired,
• More likely to build and maintain good relationships, and even
• More likely to make other people feel better about themselves.

Direct, assertive, even aggressive stereotypes aside, in business, likability matters.  (As Mark Cuban says, "One of the most underrated skills in business is being nice.")

Yet it's not always easy to be likable -- or possibly more to the point, to be broadly liked. If you have 100 employees, the odds all of them will like you are pretty slim. Different interests. Different backgrounds. Different perspectives. No one is universally liked.

But there is an easy way to ensure you're more likable, whether with people you don't interact with regularly or those you do.

It's all about asking two follow-up questions.

Talking About Yourself

First, though, some background.

A study published  in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that approximately 40 percent of what we say involves telling other people about our subjective experiences.

Not facts or instructions or outcome-based conversations -- which account for another chunk of our everyday speech -- but what we think or feel.

For example, telling a salesperson that a deadline will be missed... and how you're frustrated about all the recent production delays, and tired of having to tell customers their ship dates will be missed, and how it doesn't seem like anyone in the building seems to care, and how the situation is keeping you up at night....

Again, not an outcome-based conversation, but a brain dump of thoughts and feelings.

While that sounds counterproductive -- and it usually is -- we often can't help it: The same study also found that talking about ourselves causes a spike in activity in parts of our brains associated with the sense of reward and satisfaction we get from money, food, and even sex.

Think about it that way, and it's no wonder it's hard not to talk about ourselves.

Unless you consciously shift the focus by embracing the two follow-up questions protocol.

The Two Follow-Up Questions Protocol

If you're even remotely shy and introverted, making small talk with people you don't know feels awkward. That's why people default to, "What do you do?"

But what do you do once you've exhausted "What do you do?"?

If it's a Sunday afternoon, maybe you'll ask, "What's your favourite football team?"

Lame, I know. Even so, if only because they think they should, most people have a favourite football team. (If they don't, shift gears and ask, "What do you do when other people want to watch football?") But let's assume they do.

"United," they say.

Now it's time for the two follow-up questions principle. Instead of talking about your favourite football team, ask another question.

"How did United become your favourite team?"

Maybe they'll say "it's because they grew up in ".  Or "because someone (they're) close to is a United fan". Or "the first match they attended was a United match".

Use the answer to ask a second question. What it was like where they grew up, or what brought them here. Perhaps a favourite memory of watching a game with their father, (significant other, etc), or what going to that first game was like.

Tap into the fact people always enjoy and sometimes even feel compelled to talk about themselves to ask two follow-up questions that involve thoughts and feelings.

Do that, and according to a 2017 Harvard study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, you'll dramatically increase how likable other people perceive you to be.

As the researchers write:

We converse with others to learn what they know -- their information, stories, preferences, ideas, thoughts, and feelings....

In particular, asking questions that follow up on the other person's responses cause and convey better listening, understanding, validation, and care.

The question asker's responsiveness, in turn, is likely to cause him or her to be better liked by the question answerer.

Imagine someone who listens. Understands. Validates. Cares. Sounds like the definition of "likable."

What Two Questions?

Even though it can be difficult, the key is to avoid the temptation to weigh in -- to resist sharing your thoughts, feelings, or experiences, and keep the focus on the other person.

As the researchers write:

Neglecting to ask questions altogether may happen because people are egocentric -- focused on expressing their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs with little or no interest in hearing what another person has to say.

On the other hand, some people may think to ask questions... but it may be much easier to talk about themselves instead.

That's especially true if you're shy. Or uncomfortable. Or, oddly enough, trying to make a good first impression, a time when laying back can seem like the worst thing you can do. Even though, research shows, listening and asking questions is the best thing you can do.

And, fortunately, the easiest thing.

Say you meet someone new. As soon as you learn a little about them -- their occupation, avocation, whatever it might be -- ask the first follow-up question. Keep it simple: how they do what they do, or why they do it, or how it feels, or what they enjoy most about it.

When I find out what someone does for a living, here's my favourite follow-up: "That sounds like a really hard job."

Granted, that isn't a question, but still works a treat, because everyone's job is hard... and when you recognize and validate that fact, they naturally open up and talk about themselves.

And once they open up, the follow-up questions are easier and easier to find, because every person, once you scratch the surface, is interesting.

Try it. Ask at least two genuine follow-up questions. Show you respect the other person's experience, knowledge, opinion, etc. Show you respect them as a person.

Doing that will not only make you more likable, it could turn what would have been an interaction into the start of a relationship.

And if it doesn't, that's OK -- because for a few minutes, you will have made another person feel a little more important.

Can't beat that.